Can you Support Me? I dont know how many likes you got already?

For those that do not know, I've recently started a fund raising campaign [ *insert shameless plug here* http://www.gofundme.com/8g6bf0 ] and as a result, have found myself in the position where on a daily basis I've had to ask people for help [see here to read more about that struggle] Naturally, I have also become more aware of other people asking for help, yet everyday links go by unshared and un-liked.

I know it is unrealistic to expect everyone to support your cause but I find it....interesting that I struggle sometimes to get 10 likes on what I have been told is an important cause yet a statement I made on someone’s status about Felicia from Friday has gotten 20 something likes [and still counting.] The lack of action (liking, sharing etc.) compared to the amount of people who have verbalized they want to help got me to thinking....

What is it that makes simply liking or sharing a status so difficult to do? I have a couple theories one is the bystander effect and one is the appearance that people are trying to keep up, their “social identities” if you will.

I'm going to talk about the bystander effect first because that's a “real” thing. By “real” I mean that it is a concept that is already well accepted in fields like sociology and psychology. The second theory I have about people's desire to uphold a certain image is more so based on my personal experience. But any who on to the bystander effect.

I can't talk about that without talking about altruism: which essentially is the act of helping some one for “self less” reasons meaning you basically help them because you want to, not because your trying to accomplish a certain goal but simply because you want to help. Naturally this is a trait that humans have. And we do selfless things all the time even when we don't have to. The easiest example that comes to mind is when you allow someone to turn in front of you from a parking lot or something even though in theory you had no reason to slow down.

The Bystander effect is what happens when a person needs help amongst a group of people and even though everyone is aware help is NEEDED, no one DOES anything because they assume the next person has it. But if everyone assumes that someone else is taking care of the issue at hand, WHO exactly is supposed to ACTUALLY help (you KNOW what happens when assumptions are made) Our “victim” is left to fend for his or herself. This is a sociological construct that exists without us consciously acting on it as such a change in this behavior takes a conscious effort.

When it comes to “support” [or rather lack thereof ] people in their various different endeavors, I believe the Bystander Effect affects [yes I am a lil bit of a grammar snob lol ] our ability as well as our intentions when it comes to supporting others. Instead of liking or sharing when we see someone is in need, even when we do support the cause, we pass on the opportunity because we assume this person has enough support from the other people in their circle. I know this to be the case because I have seen this behavior manifested in my own behaviors. I've such been making a conscious effort to be more supportive when it is something I truly believe in. But I’ve only been able to make this change because I am aware of the social effect as well as my own behaviors and have chosen to do something about them.

The OTHER reason I think we show a lack of support is because we are too concerned with what other people think of us. We don't want to be “the first liker” or be seen supporting something “lame.” We worry incessantly about what other people think of us. I see this come up especially when it comes to people sharing their music. Many people are “uncomfortable” with the idea of liking something that is not “main stream” and on the radio.

I’ve literally seen people cringe when you suggest listening to an “underground” artists yet they will drop mad money on someone who doesn't even care about them as a person...I digress. The point is, because people are so overly concerned with their appearance, both physically and in person, they bypass opportunities because “it isn't what the cool people are doing.” This behavior does not necessarily have to be conscious as some people are so deeply intertwined into their appearances they no longer have any idea who they are.

Now what does any of this have to do with you? As I stated earlier, I've noticed that a lot of people are out basically trying to make things happen for themselves,(which I think is absolutely fantabulous by the way) they are also looking for support to help them do it. Yet, I don't observe nearly as much supporting as I do asking for support. That makes little logical sense to me....

I just don’t understand how you can post your music, poems, pictures all day, expect people to look at them and marvel at them yet you show no attention to the works of others. Like for instance, I take pole classes (its fun you should try it) and I post pictures of myself on social media....I also follow a lot of people who ALSO take pole classes. I like, and comment on their pictures, show my online friends etc. Who better to get to look at my pictures that people who are already interested in the activity?!?!?!?

Life is better when you have support from others. It is also a lot easier to GET support if you are showing those around you what support actually looks like because I think that is something that we really don’t have a good grasp of as people today.

Personally, I enjoy supporting people that I know, be it financially, emotionally, spiritually and yes even if it is as simple as a like or share on facebook. Even though I am guilty of saying it, it is time to stop fronting and accept that social media is a real part of our actual life. There are people behind these keyboards and your like, kind words, share and even “small” monetary supports do in fact make a difference in the lives of people around the world.

People often complain about the state of today and of the world and how they wish they could help. Well you CAN help. The next time you see someone share a music link, take a few moments to listen to it, or read that poem, look at that picture, donate your fast food money for the day to a worthy cause.

So in addition to spreading awareness about Mental Health, I'm also going to make it my business to SHOW people how to SUPPORT people. Real talk, the only hope we have for society today ( ESPECIALLY here in America) is if we start supporting each other in our endeavors now. Because if we don't, the majority of people will continue to suffer and scramble for resources.
I just want people to realize that we don't HAVE to depend on corporations etc. to get the things we need. There are oodles and oodles of amazing ideas right here within our reach if only we lifted a hand...



And now I'm off to finish painting
-Atiya

Who defines you.....

Its been a while or something like that...but I haven't *insert various excuses here*. To be honest, it matters not where Ive been, only that I'm here now...

On my way home from a pretty good day at work I was reflecting about a couple of rather...intense therapy sessions I had at work today and it got me thinking...

My people...we have a long way to go...By my people I am specifically referring to my African American, Black, whatever the correct term these days is lol. Now of course you dont have to be Black to "understand" this particular topic but that is the particular population I had in mind as I pondered my  thoughts.

Today I met with a person who was so irate that they were treated in what they perceived to be a disrespectful manner that their subsequent behavior allowed them to essentially miss out on something that THEY needed. Said person made valid points regarding the importance of treating people with respect and feeling as if their opinions, needs and wants are worthy of consideration; however, they missed out on a service that they valued all for "general principal."

It was this particular incidence that prompted some...concern (for want of a better word) for my community.

Time and time again, a common compliant heard in the Black community is regarding the need of "equal treatment" and of recognition and appreciation from communities that have already made it quite clear that they are indifferent to your wants, thoughts and needs. A while back, I remember three was a case in which a minister refused to to marry an interracial couple. Instead of simply choosing another church (because after all, why would you even WANT to be married by someone who doesn't "believe" in your marriage anyway) there was a big to do trying to convince said minister to say his mind.

Is the discriminatory treatment "acceptable" No. Is it fair? absolutely not...but you know what, life is unfair. A lot of things area going to happen that "are not fair." Its "not fair" that I went to school for 6 years and can barely pay good ole Sallie May yet someone can create a stupid pop song and become a millionaire almost overnight...

More importantly, it's not fair that my hair usually "has" to be in tip top shape because I have locs and might look "unkempt" otherwise, It's unfair that as a woman I have to be overly conscious of what I wear because I have male clients, Its unfair that the color "nude" wont ever match my skin....I could gripe endlessly about these things, I could protest and try and get things changed, OR... I could do my hair because I don't want to be PERCEIVED as unkempt, dress as un-sexually(yea i made that up) provocative and be as "neutral" as possible in my tone and appearance to avoid confusion; and develop my own caramel colored nude clothing.

Its up to you to decide if you are going to let the behavior of other people interfere with your day to day living. This particular mindset is troubling in the Black community because it leads to people saying things like "So and So only got away with *insert crime here* because they were*insert racially related excuse here* If a Black person would have committed *insert crime here*, they would have gotten *insert harsh punishment here*" Too busy searching for "equality" and acceptance to fully comprehend the fact that you are comparing criminal acts. This type of chatter was ESPECIALLY prominent during the Trayvon Martin trial and tends to pop up whenever a non black person commits a crime that the community feels deserves a harsher punishment. How about lets not commit crimes because we are ALREADY being persecuted purposefully. Lets not get so wrapped up in equality/acceptance that we start comparing(and seeking out) things that NOBODY really wants  to have.

The worse part is I don't think that people are even aware of this particular thought process. We get so wrapped up in searching for acceptance that we neglect to take care of B needs. Instead of trying to FORCE someone to accept you, why not create a space where YOU can be accepted...because that makes a lot more sense than trying to convince someone to change (which is NOT something that you can control).

I'm not encouraging exclusion or anything like that...but what I AM saying is your energy would be better placed elsewhere...and if your desire to stand against something on "GP" is impacting your ability to have a happy healthy life, then it might be time to consider some other options. At what point will you realize that the only person you are hurting......is you.

Because the fact of the matter is...if someone doesn't like you, they are not gonna accept you no matter matter what you do. When you dislike someone everything they do just becomes annoying lol. But seriously You cant force acceptance and you can demand equality but the fact of the matter is, you just may not get it. When will we learn to live for ourselves, to define our own success instead of looking to people who again have made it clear that they do not care much for you, to tell us whether or not we have done a satisfactory job.....

Right to Religion

its early for a Saturday & I'm super congested...both in the nose & on the brain. My head is stuffed literally & figuratively. The only way to cope is for me to "unstuff" myself by unloading some of these thoughts

My husband is smart as shit. He's like a genius or something. We don't always agree, but one of the things I enjoy about our relationship is the fact that we can always have discourse about a variety of topics no matter how different out ideas are. So while it may seem as if we are in constant agreement, WE AREN'T!!!! so if I'm parroting his beliefs its b/c I believe something about them too.

With that being said, it was my husband who 1st introduced the idea to me that religion is about YOUR relationship with YOUR creator. Since then my belief system gradually began to change/evolve into something that worked FOR ME!!

Unfortunately for some, that does not entail going down the road to Christianity or any organized religion for that matter, at least not at this time in my life. As of late, I have come to the personal conclusion that different religions/should of thought exist because we are all different people. Different people require different motivation to keep their morals in check. Different people need different explanations for the various events that occur in their life. People need information & tactics that will alike them to persevere in their part of the world while still ultimately contributing to society & being productive people.

So as long as Im not being an evil person...& even if I am, it's really no ones business but mine & my Creator as to where my actions will eventually lead me. Now onto my concerns with Christianity & why it CANNOT work for ME!!

Ultimately, I believe that no religion is inherently evil. Even worshipers of Satan are not telling people to explicitly go out & cause harm to others. However when you have organized religion, that is when the goals of people can be used to manipulate the available information in order to meet their means...That to me is the definition of evil...manipulation of a situation so that you as a person can benefit no matter the cost to others. Many organized religions are used for evil purposes. Two of the "Big Three" Abrahamic religions I feel were specifically created to control people. The third I can't speak on as I'm not very familiar with their practices.

I'm not here to talk about Islam though b/c that religion wasn't created utilized to enslave MY people. By that I mean black people in the United States. The Bible is not a book that was authored from start to finish by one person or even a group of similar people. It's a collection of books written in various languages by hoards of people then the "Best" books were selected to be utilized as the Holy word... So even if I take every word as true[which is impossible in my opinion as I've made it to Chronicles & there have already been several contradictions, not to mention that the God of the old testament comes off as extremely vengeful] I can not ignore the fact that somethings could have been lost in translation...& this same book was used in these united states to keep people enslaved....even though it's been indicated that the story of Christ is a remake of stories that were already in existence...& those stories were created by the ancestors of the people that christianity was used to enslave but that's a topic for another day...

Christianity is a fairly new religion in comparison to the age of the world. I find it difficult to understand how if humans have been around for ages upon ages & suddenly just now in the last 2 millennia we've "suddenly gotten it right" & subsequently, all of our ancestors died in vain b/c they have not accepted white Jesus as their Lord & Savoir. I disagree with the idea that everyone was born into sin, I disagree with the idea that we are inherently unworthy which is different IMO from being undeserving. I also disagree with the idea that those who are doing well are blessed b/c that implies that other people are being cursed [the opposite of a blessing afterall]

I disagree with a lot of stuff. & what that tells me is not that Christianity is wrong but that christianity is not for me. I try to refrain from talking shout these tropics as I'm not in the business of being offensive but I would like to make my thoughts known b/c they are crowding my head due to life conversations.

The point is this. I don't think there its a right religion. I think that everyone does what its best for them based on the type of person The Creator made them to be. I do take offense when I'm told that my thoughts/beliefs are not true, or are thought of as a "moral cop out" I don't think its OK to try & get people to see your religious light...because your light is for you just like your medications are prescribed to you & you only. We silo get our spiritual needs from different places & different spaces. If you can't find something that works for you then CREATE SOMETHING!!!! I know ours hard to believe but will religion & concepts in general were novel ayyyy done point. Add people change & evolve, so do their needs

As for my beliefs & needs....I don't feel like I need church at this point in my life. & if I was truly honest with myself I have NEVER been comfortable in church or participating in organized religion in general. As an adult, I'm not going to put myself in places that make me feel uncomfortable b/c I'm also a firm believer in listening to your mind heart & body. If your honest with yourself, your moral compass will let you know of you've fucked up or not....& its your responsibility as a person to make the best decision for you.