It's rough out here in these streets....

Sometimes I get in a mood where I want to type but I don’t have anything to talk about. S/O to Shavaughn for shooting me a couple of topics so that I can effectively use these creative juices instead of wasting them!

It's summer and when the weather gets hot, clothing gets skimpier. People come out of hibernation and that park that sat empty all winter is now bustling with people. If you're a woman, you have most likely encountered some “street harassment” in your life.

It's interesting because when I was walking from the library earlier, a male acknowledged me and proceeded to ask for my number. When I informed him I was married he “left me alone.” When he first acknowledged my existence, the following though popped into my head:

“I don't really want to acknowledge him but he looks like he is a part of the neighborhood and I don't want to create bad vibes, so I should at least speak.”

I also wondered if he would have “given up so easily” if I had simply stated “no” in response to whether or not he could have my number instead of saying I was married.

FTR this is what I would describe as a “tame” response on the part of the street harasser. Though people usually do not become irate or verbally abusive towards me (which I suspect has more to do with my response than it does with their personalities), they can be annoyingly persistent especially when all I want is to handle my business and keep it moving.

So yea street harassment....what exactly is that anyway?

For me, it is a word that describes unwanted interaction from people while you are in a public space attempting to handle your business. It obviously most often happens on the street but can happen in other public spaces such as the library or corner store.

It is annoying to say the least. What frustrates me though is that I think that (some) of the perpetrators truly don't believe they are doing anything wrong when they shout things like “Damn you sexy ma” , “can I get your number” “where are you going/why are you walking” etc.

On a good day, this “forced” interaction causes me irritation....simply because I have things to do and having unwanted, unsolicited conversation with random men trying to get into my panties is not usually on my to-do list. On a bad day, this type of interaction is infuriating because they make me feel devalued and uncomfortable. I don’t necessarily “dress for attention” from random people. I wear what I FEEL like wearing and I should not have to explain or justify this for anyone.

Yet street harassment has a way of making you feel like it's not OK to be comfortable. I definitely notice a difference in the type of attention I get from people depending on what I am wearing. Listen I live in the south and it is HOT. Wearing a sundress is for my comfort not a “thirst trap” as people like to call it these days. A short pair of shorts often means it is too hot to wear jeans...that’s it.

Street harassment makes me angry because I make it a point to not try to engage people who don’t look like they want to be engaged because it is rude. To me, it also shows that the person who is doing the street harassment views themselves as superior to the person whom they are talking. This is evident because in regular life, people are most often rude to people whom they feel are beneath them. When you view someone as an equal, you don't try to get them to do things that they are not interested in doing PERIOD because you value and appreciate their opinion.

It blows me that people don't understand just how rude it is to FORCE yourself into someone's space even when they clearly don't want to be bothered. It's like people believe that when you are in public, your existence should be public too, meaning people feel like they have the right to approach you at any time and basically demand your attention. This is by far the most ridiculous thing that I have ever heard. In no way shape or form does me coming out my house mean that I want to talk to anyone.

And yet time and time again, I feel pressured and forced to interact with people because I don't want things to “escalate to a different level”

Because lets be realistic...it's not always as simple as ignoring someone. Unsolicited interaction AKA street harassment puts me in a position where I have to watch what it is that I say and do because I don't want to elicit the “wrong reaction”

By wrong reaction I mean things like the harasser becoming physically aggressive or stalking me home or something like that. And yes those things happen....they happen more often than society wants to acknowledge. So I have two options it seems.....be physically uncomfortable and not be harassed or be physically comfortable yet emotionally uncomfortable....Oh to be a woman in today's society...

I am convinced at this point that my experience with street harassment has been “tame” in comparison to other people's only because I happen to talk to the people who try and talk to me. I know from experience that treating people nicely is more likely to garner a “nice response” but this does not eliminate all the anxiety and feelings of devaluement that occur as a result of people “trying to holla at me”

Because see there was this one time when I responded the way that I felt and that guy called me all types of bitches and hoes...this was after he tried to block me in the parking lot to FORCE me to talk to him. This was at a club in the parking lot. He wasn't trying to hear nothing smh. I told him I was engaged and he still kept pressing. I stated I wasn't interested and he tried to block me in with his car....

But yea

Even more concerning than my own individual feelings of discomfort is the fact that the perpetrators often don't feel like they are doing anything wrong, because they have the “right” to “holla at” whomever they want. These are the same types of people who feel that they are entitled to conversation (or anything else) because they chose to buy a woman a drink. These are the same types of men who believe that a woman dressing a “certain type of way” is OBVIOUSLY hunting for sex from the first person willing to offer it...

Street harassment is a concern because it supports a culture that devalues the opinions, thoughts and beliefs of women and people in general....Because you must think pretty highly of yourself to feel that you are entitled to conversations from other people. And since as a whole society acknowledges that forced conversation is not generally acceptable except in certain situations, it thus follows that people who feel they are able to force themselves on others naturally feel that they are more important than the average person....

And you can't be “more important” without devaluing the thoughts, feelings and wants of another person. I can't be “higher up on the totem pole” than you without first placing you at a lower space on said pole...

Street harassment is like the gateway behavior to sexual assault....and when you look at it in that light, it becomes difficult to just “brush it off” when you know that ignoring it could lead to something more...yet “brushing it off” is exactly what women often feel like they need to do in order to protect their well being.

What do you think? Have you ever been a victim of street harassment before? How did you cope? What were the results?