Sometimes I get in a mood where I want
to type but I don’t have anything to talk about. S/O to Shavaughn
for shooting me a couple of topics so that I can effectively use
these creative juices instead of wasting them!
It's summer and when the weather gets
hot, clothing gets skimpier. People come out of hibernation and that
park that sat empty all winter is now bustling with people. If you're
a woman, you have most likely encountered some “street harassment”
in your life.
It's interesting because when I was
walking from the library earlier, a male acknowledged me and
proceeded to ask for my number. When I informed him I was married he
“left me alone.” When he first acknowledged my existence, the
following though popped into my head:
“I don't really want to acknowledge
him but he looks like he is a part of the neighborhood and I don't
want to create bad vibes, so
I should at least speak.”
I also wondered if
he would have “given up so easily” if I had simply stated “no”
in response to whether or not he could have my number instead of
saying I was married.
FTR this is what I
would describe as a “tame” response on the part of the street
harasser. Though people usually do not become irate or verbally
abusive towards me (which I suspect has more to do with my response
than it does with their personalities), they can be annoyingly
persistent especially when all I want is to handle my business and
keep it moving.
So yea street harassment....what
exactly is that anyway?
For me, it is a word that describes
unwanted interaction from people while you are in a public space
attempting to handle your business. It obviously most often happens
on the street but can happen in other public spaces such as the
library or corner store.
It is annoying to say the least. What
frustrates me though is that I think that (some) of the perpetrators
truly don't believe they are doing anything wrong when they shout
things like “Damn you sexy ma” , “can I get your number”
“where are you going/why are you walking” etc.
On a good day, this “forced”
interaction causes me irritation....simply because I have things to
do and having unwanted, unsolicited conversation with random men
trying to get into my panties is not usually on my to-do list. On a
bad day, this type of interaction is infuriating because they make me
feel devalued and uncomfortable. I don’t necessarily “dress for
attention” from random people. I wear what I FEEL like wearing and
I should not have to explain or justify this for anyone.
Yet street harassment has a way of
making you feel like it's not OK to be comfortable. I definitely
notice a difference in the type of attention I get from people
depending on what I am wearing. Listen I live in the south and it is
HOT. Wearing a sundress is for my comfort not a “thirst trap” as
people like to call it these days. A short pair of shorts often means
it is too hot to wear jeans...that’s it.
Street harassment makes me angry
because I make it a point to not try to engage people who don’t
look like they want to be engaged because it is rude. To me, it also
shows that the person who is doing the street harassment views
themselves as superior to the person whom they are talking. This is
evident because in regular life, people are most often rude to people
whom they feel are beneath them. When you view someone as an equal,
you don't try to get them to do things that they are not interested
in doing PERIOD because you value and appreciate their opinion.
It blows me that people don't
understand just how rude it is to FORCE yourself into someone's space
even when they clearly don't want to be bothered. It's like people
believe that when you are in public, your existence should be public
too, meaning people feel like they have the right to approach you at
any time and basically demand your attention. This is by far the most
ridiculous thing that I have ever heard. In no way shape or form does
me coming out my house mean that I want to talk to anyone.
And yet time and time again, I feel
pressured and forced to interact with people because I don't want
things to “escalate to a different level”
Because lets be realistic...it's not
always as simple as ignoring someone. Unsolicited interaction AKA
street harassment puts me in a position where I have to watch what it
is that I say and do because I don't want to elicit the “wrong
reaction”
By wrong reaction I mean things like
the harasser becoming physically aggressive or stalking me home or
something like that. And yes those things happen....they happen more
often than society wants to acknowledge. So I have two options it
seems.....be physically uncomfortable and not be harassed or be
physically comfortable yet emotionally uncomfortable....Oh to be a
woman in today's society...
I am convinced at this point that my
experience with street harassment has been “tame” in comparison
to other people's only because I happen to talk to the people who try
and talk to me. I know from experience that treating people nicely is
more likely to garner a “nice response” but this does not
eliminate all the anxiety and feelings of devaluement that occur as a
result of people “trying to holla at me”
Because see there was this one time
when I responded the way that I felt and that guy called me all types
of bitches and hoes...this was after he tried to block me in the
parking lot to FORCE me to talk to him. This was at a club in the
parking lot. He wasn't trying to hear nothing smh. I told him I was
engaged and he still kept pressing. I stated I wasn't interested and
he tried to block me in with his car....
But yea
Even more concerning than my own
individual feelings of discomfort is the fact that the perpetrators
often don't feel like they are doing anything wrong, because they
have the “right” to “holla at” whomever they want. These are
the same types of people who feel that they are entitled to
conversation (or anything else) because they chose to buy a woman a
drink. These are the same types of men who believe that a woman
dressing a “certain type of way” is OBVIOUSLY hunting for sex
from the first person willing to offer it...
Street harassment is a concern because
it supports a culture that devalues the opinions, thoughts and
beliefs of women and people in general....Because you must think
pretty highly of yourself to feel that you are entitled to
conversations from other people. And since as a whole society
acknowledges that forced conversation is not generally acceptable
except in certain situations, it thus follows that people who feel
they are able to force themselves on others naturally feel that they
are more important than the average person....
And you can't be “more important”
without devaluing the thoughts, feelings and wants of another person.
I can't be “higher up on the totem pole” than you without first
placing you at a lower space on said pole...
Street harassment is like the gateway
behavior to sexual assault....and when you look at it in that light,
it becomes difficult to just “brush it off” when you know that
ignoring it could lead to something more...yet “brushing it off”
is exactly what women often feel like they need to do in order to
protect their well being.
What do you think? Have you ever been a
victim of street harassment before? How did you cope? What were the
results?
