Can you Support Me? I dont know how many likes you got already?

For those that do not know, I've recently started a fund raising campaign [ *insert shameless plug here* http://www.gofundme.com/8g6bf0 ] and as a result, have found myself in the position where on a daily basis I've had to ask people for help [see here to read more about that struggle] Naturally, I have also become more aware of other people asking for help, yet everyday links go by unshared and un-liked.

I know it is unrealistic to expect everyone to support your cause but I find it....interesting that I struggle sometimes to get 10 likes on what I have been told is an important cause yet a statement I made on someone’s status about Felicia from Friday has gotten 20 something likes [and still counting.] The lack of action (liking, sharing etc.) compared to the amount of people who have verbalized they want to help got me to thinking....

What is it that makes simply liking or sharing a status so difficult to do? I have a couple theories one is the bystander effect and one is the appearance that people are trying to keep up, their “social identities” if you will.

I'm going to talk about the bystander effect first because that's a “real” thing. By “real” I mean that it is a concept that is already well accepted in fields like sociology and psychology. The second theory I have about people's desire to uphold a certain image is more so based on my personal experience. But any who on to the bystander effect.

I can't talk about that without talking about altruism: which essentially is the act of helping some one for “self less” reasons meaning you basically help them because you want to, not because your trying to accomplish a certain goal but simply because you want to help. Naturally this is a trait that humans have. And we do selfless things all the time even when we don't have to. The easiest example that comes to mind is when you allow someone to turn in front of you from a parking lot or something even though in theory you had no reason to slow down.

The Bystander effect is what happens when a person needs help amongst a group of people and even though everyone is aware help is NEEDED, no one DOES anything because they assume the next person has it. But if everyone assumes that someone else is taking care of the issue at hand, WHO exactly is supposed to ACTUALLY help (you KNOW what happens when assumptions are made) Our “victim” is left to fend for his or herself. This is a sociological construct that exists without us consciously acting on it as such a change in this behavior takes a conscious effort.

When it comes to “support” [or rather lack thereof ] people in their various different endeavors, I believe the Bystander Effect affects [yes I am a lil bit of a grammar snob lol ] our ability as well as our intentions when it comes to supporting others. Instead of liking or sharing when we see someone is in need, even when we do support the cause, we pass on the opportunity because we assume this person has enough support from the other people in their circle. I know this to be the case because I have seen this behavior manifested in my own behaviors. I've such been making a conscious effort to be more supportive when it is something I truly believe in. But I’ve only been able to make this change because I am aware of the social effect as well as my own behaviors and have chosen to do something about them.

The OTHER reason I think we show a lack of support is because we are too concerned with what other people think of us. We don't want to be “the first liker” or be seen supporting something “lame.” We worry incessantly about what other people think of us. I see this come up especially when it comes to people sharing their music. Many people are “uncomfortable” with the idea of liking something that is not “main stream” and on the radio.

I’ve literally seen people cringe when you suggest listening to an “underground” artists yet they will drop mad money on someone who doesn't even care about them as a person...I digress. The point is, because people are so overly concerned with their appearance, both physically and in person, they bypass opportunities because “it isn't what the cool people are doing.” This behavior does not necessarily have to be conscious as some people are so deeply intertwined into their appearances they no longer have any idea who they are.

Now what does any of this have to do with you? As I stated earlier, I've noticed that a lot of people are out basically trying to make things happen for themselves,(which I think is absolutely fantabulous by the way) they are also looking for support to help them do it. Yet, I don't observe nearly as much supporting as I do asking for support. That makes little logical sense to me....

I just don’t understand how you can post your music, poems, pictures all day, expect people to look at them and marvel at them yet you show no attention to the works of others. Like for instance, I take pole classes (its fun you should try it) and I post pictures of myself on social media....I also follow a lot of people who ALSO take pole classes. I like, and comment on their pictures, show my online friends etc. Who better to get to look at my pictures that people who are already interested in the activity?!?!?!?

Life is better when you have support from others. It is also a lot easier to GET support if you are showing those around you what support actually looks like because I think that is something that we really don’t have a good grasp of as people today.

Personally, I enjoy supporting people that I know, be it financially, emotionally, spiritually and yes even if it is as simple as a like or share on facebook. Even though I am guilty of saying it, it is time to stop fronting and accept that social media is a real part of our actual life. There are people behind these keyboards and your like, kind words, share and even “small” monetary supports do in fact make a difference in the lives of people around the world.

People often complain about the state of today and of the world and how they wish they could help. Well you CAN help. The next time you see someone share a music link, take a few moments to listen to it, or read that poem, look at that picture, donate your fast food money for the day to a worthy cause.

So in addition to spreading awareness about Mental Health, I'm also going to make it my business to SHOW people how to SUPPORT people. Real talk, the only hope we have for society today ( ESPECIALLY here in America) is if we start supporting each other in our endeavors now. Because if we don't, the majority of people will continue to suffer and scramble for resources.
I just want people to realize that we don't HAVE to depend on corporations etc. to get the things we need. There are oodles and oodles of amazing ideas right here within our reach if only we lifted a hand...



And now I'm off to finish painting
-Atiya

*whispers* help

Asking for help....is much easier said than done

After starting my fund raising campaign, I found out that May actually happens to be Mental Health Awareness Month which is fantastic.

I decided I was going to make it my business to spread as much knowledge and awareness as I could. My intents for this very first “awareness” blog was to talk about self care because it is essential to overall good mental health...

Then I realized something that can truly serve as a barrier to services and that's being able to ask for help. I know this is a struggle for some people because it is a personal struggle I deal with. Any of my family and friends will tell you, I RARELY ask for help, especially if I feel like I know “what to do.”

Some might think it is a positive trait to be so self sufficient and while that trait does have benefits, it also comes along with risks. It at times takes me longer to accomplish things and I don't always get the optimal results. Some times I miss out on stuff (like work out classes this week...Big Red has been out of commission since last Saturday and as such, I’ve missed all my classes because I didn't want to inconvenience anyone by having to drop me off and pick me up.)

The point is, I often struggle with asking for assistance and while in my day to day life this does not tend to have a major impact, I've noticed that many people take this same stance when it comes to getting assistance with mental health concerns. I've had so many clients tell me that it was extremely difficult to come in and ask for assistance, even though the whole purpose of my profession is to provide said assistance.

Western society in particular encourages a very individualistic way of thinking which I believe encourages the idea that it is shameful to ask for assistance. Many of us find ourselves in the position where we are told that getting help makes us less of a person. We keep things buried inside and we fail to reach our potential because we aren’t fully utilizing the resources that are available to us...

The reality of the situation is there are some instances where we require assistance from other people (whether we want to admit it or not.) It's not enough to simply admit that one needs help, you also must get your help from the correct source if it is to be useful to you. I've often heard people say “I don't need a therapist I have (insert trusted friend, family member etc.) here.

When it comes to mental health, sometimes a professional is needed. For instance, as much as your friend may know about muscles and joints, if your bones are broken, you go and get assistance from a professional. It's one thing to cheer a friend up when they are feeling a little blue, but it's another thing to try and cheer up a friend who has locked themselves in a room for two weeks because they are extremely depressed.

My job is not simply “talking to people about their problems”, my job is to help people get a better picture of themselves so that they can make decisions that will lead to fulfilling lives. As a trained and licensed therapist, I have taught myself how to minimize the impact of my emotions on my interactions with my clients. I give unbiased advice regardless of my own personal convictions and allow my clients to make their own decisions. In addition, I am bound by HIPPA guidelines and as such can not divulge any of the information that you share with me without your prior consent.

Everyone could benefit from an unbiased person who is both legally and ethically bound to confidentiality. This is not something that I could say about any of my friends or family (though I love and appreciate them dearly.) Additionally, because our friends and family tend to “know each other” it is a lot more likely that they will be tempted to spill compared to a therapist. As a therapist, you would see me 2-4 times a month and that's it. I wouldn't be at your home, at your workplace or at your school. You don't have to worry about me getting intoxicated at the family reunion and accidentally revealing your darkest secrets.

But seriously

I know there are people who endure tragedies and never get a chance to talk to people about them. They think that they are OK, but in reality every experience you have impacts the way that you go through life. Burying secrets within yourself does not make them go away; when people try to “hold things in” what often happens is the undue stress on the psyche “forces” the emotion out in other ways. Sometimes it's anger, sometimes it's depression and sometimes it's trouble in interpersonal relationships.

When you fail to process emotions and situations, it makes it more likely that you will need a therapist because when things get to the point where you are not in control of your emotions, it is doubtful that advice from a friend will have a marked impact. Again, this isn't to say that friends aren't important, it's just that you have to know when you need a friend and when you need professional assistance.

One of the goals that I have as a therapist is to make it easier for people to both identify when they need help and feel more comfortable asking for it. I plan to do this by spreading as much knowledge about mental health as possible to normalize the subject. Eventually, I want people to be able to say “I have an appointment with the therapist” as easily as they can say I have an appointment to get my nails done.

I want to provide mobile therapy services to help improve access to mental health services in my community. Help me help people to help themselves by checking out my fund-raising campaign below!!

http://www.gofundme.com/8g6bf0

-Atiya